Little Pricks

And no, I’m not talking about men. 

I’m talking about the little pricks of hurt that catch you unawares.  The ones that can sometimes go deep enough to draw blood or scratch at your mental and emotional well-being.  It causes you to wonder what it is you did wrong or what it is you need to let go of … or what it is you feel guilty about …  or why, why didn’t it work out?

Those little pricks can have the power to show us we are healing. Sometimes they show us that we haven’t healed enough yet, and the little prick can draw blood - or evoke a huge emotional response.  A pointer to where we need to focus our energy and healing process. 

Those little pricks can only harm us to the degree we allow ourselves to move back into the pain, anguish and self-wallowing.  They can only hurt us to the degree we allow them to.  If you take time to notice it’s just a little prick, not a big one, you begin to hear the signals the Universe is sending you, letting you know you are okay.  Everything is in perfect order. Everything has worked out for the best and for the better. 

One of my little pricks occurred when I went to Costco to see if my company card, the company I had with my ex-husband was still active. It had been years since I had used the card.  The woman behind the counter said, “Oh, you have been removed from this account and replaced by another woman.” Which kind of summed up a bunch of things for me.

But I felt that prick, just behind my left shoulder blade, next to my heart.  It began to undo me.  I felt tears start behind my eyes and my heart quicken. 

I thought, after all this time I still feel some hurt over this.

I went back to my car with a brand-new Costco card, in my name only.  As I turned on the car, the radio was playing.  I was breathing deeply checking in with myself to see how deep the prick really was.  Was I going to have a fall apart, a good cry or was I okay?  After a few breaths, I heard the song on the radio, it was playing What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger by Kelly Clarkson. 

I believe there are no mistakes if we keep our inner ears and eyes open. I realized the Universe was saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  That was true.  That song had been my anthem, my ring tone through all of my contentious divorce.  It is what got me through.  And to hear it after that little prick, I realized I didn’t need to have a come apart.  It was just a little prick.  It didn’t draw blood, so I let it go.  I realized I was stronger for having gone through all of it.